two more shots til everyone in this club gets to see my cesarean scars.
I kind of want you to get arrested just so I could frame an avatar mugshot.
I have a beer in one hand and a slim fast in another. It's another one of those wednesday nights.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
It's not meant to be. I also just shot a turkey baster of gin into Nate's eye, so....
It's hard being an adult. And by that I mean it's hard to tell the boy you like who rejected you that you can't share a room with him at white party because you don't want to see him bang other boys.
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
We could all 3 jump out of a cake in just tophats. A true marble cake.
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
So changing channels while she's on top is frowned upon. It's back to thinking about baseball again.
How do you feel about a threesome?
Will you be there?
I'm the one asking!
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Randomize