my computer doesn't work...
why?
i puked on it last night
dude I just sharted for the first time ever, kind of gross
well what did you think, shitting your pants would be fun
drunk pissing on my closed toilet lid is actually quite a sobering experience
What part of "you pissed in the tent" do you not understand?
He tipped the stripper with quarters. After that not even the waitress would talk to us. I had to move to another table to get a lapdance
Tried to eat a sandwich this morning. Couldn't. My jaw is locked up. These marathon blow jobs are killing me
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
Omg no. We ate a raw pumpkin last nighr. We dipped it in BBQ sauce.
She cried the whole movie and got kicked out for saying "[Santa's beard] looks so soft I wanna stick my dick in it." We're going again next week. Drunk animation majors are the best
Dude that chick had a dog in her car. Like when she goes bar hoping so does roofus. He gaurds the car.
I may or may not have pissed on my floor last night
Welcome to 22
They've taken all the lighthearted fun out of S&M.
Just found out I made out with the 40 year old Captain of the boat at the barge party. On the bright side he let me drive the boat so at least there's that.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
Randomize
