There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
i just realized that fran drescher is the 90's version of a guidette.
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
The amount of pregnancy tests I've taken in my life is unhealthy
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
Threesome in a minivan. New low
I'm sorry you caught us fucking in your bathroom. If it makes you feel any better when I tried to put my pants back on I dropped them in the toilet.
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
We shall need something stronger. Anal lube, the blood of a giraffe, and a bay leaf should do the trick. Make the paste and cover your left knee and anus in it.
Buying a new bed right now. My options are limited because I need to be able to be tied to it.
he drove over two hours to fuck me and came in 3 minutes. he got mad when I asked him if it was worth it...
If that pentatonix bullshit is playing when I get home we're breaking up
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