I'm in the grocery store cradling a box of wine like it's my firstborn, so of course this would be the first and only time I've ever seen my boss outside of the office.
the tile , carpet , walls , cabinets , even the ceiling ... there is Jello everywhere
it was your idea to have indoor Jello wrestling man
I was rolling balls and tried to donate blood as an act of kindness to the sick person who would receive it
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
some people popped out of a houseboat and asked us to their party. their houseboat IS A WEEDBOAT. it is full of weed they grow weed. EVERYWHERE.
it still weirds me out that Robin Thicke is Alan Thicke's son
Dad's teaching me to make moonshine this weekend as "college prep". How scared should I be sis?
Walked into a bathroom stall to pop an addy for my three back-to-back finals today. Felt like Clark Kent walking into a phonebooth.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Sorry for trying to wake you up by slapping your ass with a fruit 2 go.
But really, what kind of hoe life adventure in Mexico would you do that would top me blowing a trucker?
Randomize
