Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
u ever jackoff with ur legs spread and pretend ur fuckin urself as a girl and get mad u'll never know what that feels like. Or to fly like a bird?
Did u absorb a fraternal twin in the womb?
either she said she was feeling frisky or eating friskies..i was too drunk to understand.
i told her that i loved her pillow breasts and then she asked me if i wanted to motor boat them. so yea, i do need the room tonite.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
He had to stop fucking her halfway through to do a shit. When he returned she was still waiting for him. The joys of MDMA
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
We fucked through the entire Destiny's Child album, it was a beautiful thing.
I'm sitting on my couch eating a bag of marshmallows and watching someone run bare ass down the street. What has happened to my life?
Is there a coat check? I stole 10 vases of flowers along with two bottles of champagne and I'm not sure what to do with them.
I'm eating hummus off of my stomach right now.
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
My mom is coming to visit today & it's giving me anxiety. I feel like she can see through me & into the whore I've become.
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