the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
Is 10 pm too early to booty call a freshman?
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
Ssssssssssshhhhhhhhhhhiiiiiiii!iiiiiiiiiitttttttttttttttssssssssssssshhhhhhhhooooooooowwwwwww. Letters for emphaSSIIISISEEEE!
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
All I really remember is thinking that the music looked like beautiful lizard waves in my head
I know, I know. But we've discussed my friends and appropriate social behaviour, and I'm pretty sure topless karaoke was a no-no.
No dude, I'm not naming my kid after your beard
If a girl called me a promiscuous philandering Casanova, should I say thank you?
Most definitely.
Hey can you send me a copy of my mugshot? I need it to prove a point
I got wine drunk and bought a hedgehog.
If he's dating my cousin now, do I have to erase the pictures of his dick off my phone? Ugh, morals.
You left me a really long voicemail saying, "Hey, it's meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee." and then the rest is just loud laughter
Randomize
