Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
Found your dick twin last night
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
I have fence marks all over my body
I told him I wish we were at my house cause then I could tell him to get out after we had sex.
For a second I thought I had fallen asleep on the floor and freaked out. Then I thought somehow I was on drugs. This is my life.
Is there evidence of another human being getting away with this/ not dying?
She stripped naked and ran around the outside of the house while I stood by the tent holding her clothes shouting "come back" because I was too drunk to chase her. This is why we can't have nice things.
Yes. With one-hundred percent positivity I can say yes, I do not want you covered in waffles and syrup when I come home.
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
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