I can't get in trouble, i'm smoking a bong in the office right now
Dear tim. Christina farted and it smells like kid roses.
hey what are you doing
hooking up with some marlborough girl. shes gorgeous!
i texted you because i like you, and i told my freinds you were my fiance. but sine we're not dating you're not cheating and i'm pathetic
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
she called me a fuckfaceshitdick. not that's creative. it sounds like a crayola crayon, preferrably an orange-brown shade.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
But he buys me breakfast and goes down on me THATS HARD TO FIND
The Deck is crawling with Cougars. Sound the irresponsibility alarm and come drink with me on a Tuesday night.
New hot neighbor boys moving in across from us...So i did the logical thing and bought two 30 packs up the hill and walked right by em. Consider the line hooked and ready to reel.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
When my parents ask if I met any nice guys in California, I'm going to answer, "No, but I have gone home with alot of nice girls". Too much, too soon?
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
honestly, you deserve someone taller anyways
Randomize
