Its not like he dircectly choose a cheeseburger over sex, it was more like I said seductively "I really appreciate this and I'm going to make it up to you anyway I can" and he replied "i want a bacon cheeseburger"
i guess he just knew i was going to sleep with him either way
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I mean I knew we were putting on quite a show but I didnt realize HOW good until I woke up and 4 people were passed out with their ears to the bedroom door.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
Would you be offended if I asked you to smoke a blunt with me while I pooped?
dreams really do come true on the roof and drinking again
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
Before you jump in that vagina remember there's a reason we call her Infectonator.
Our relationship is perfect
90% threatening to punch him in the dick 10% actual dickpunching
My condom drawer is now filled with W-2s and tax return documents. Is this adulting?
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
spent the night holding naked strippers up for keg stands and doing endless amounts of body shots. good game 8am final exam.
whats an extra semester when you've already been in college for 6 years?
QUIT STEALING MY PHONE AND SEXTING MY MOM!!!!
Randomize
