i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Who would have thought google would have HELPED me fail a test...not pass...thank you pacman, thank you google....
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
He's more than prepared to help us move. Dude brought sunscreen, cans of Coke, and Captain Morgan.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I cried and ate like 6 tacos in the taco bell parking lot at almost midnight, sober, alone, listening to a demi lavato cd. And that was the good part.
You might not want to come home tonight. Mom just found your vibrator and now she won't stop sobbing and holding a framed picture of you as a little kid.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We had to go to his parents last night for dinner & ended up having a quickie in the bathroom while everyone else was outside smoking.. This is why we have a successful marriage.
The cops raided her house the day before class even started
Those assholes are becoming so efficient
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I'm drunk from drinking bourbon out of a "cupcake sippy cup" at the Denny's bar. What the fuck happened to the goals I had?
I'm on tinder and every time somebody says something too creepy for me I start quoting scripture at them. My boobs are like missionaries.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
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