Yeah, but thats the third time she's peed on me.
bitch so ugly she owes me an erection
We watched 'the mighty ducks' last night and took shots every time someone quacked. I woke up this morning wearing a nothing but a hockey jersey laying next to him on the floor. He was wearing a goalie mask. I really wish I knew what happened.
I know this may seem inappropriate, but are you gonna bring any blow to the wedding?
she named my penis "gigantor the baby arm"
I feel like a squirrel prepping for the winter on dollar beer nights.
I'm hoping that banging a 24 year old 3 times cancels out banging that freshman on Wednesday
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
What kind of gift says "I'm sorry you accidentally stuck your hands in my puke (even though you should know better by now)"?
mhmm. we know where to go, which places have free bathrooms, how long you can be in one until its sketchy, we have this down to a science. we're like the college sophomore pregaming dream team
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
You sent me a picture of curly fries with no explanation attached. This is the first time you've texted me in 2 months.
Just so were clear your wife is cut off from my dick.
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
