your dick doesn't do me any good in arizona
Topless wife handwashing shirt. Tonight marriage is good.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
Are we still dressing up as garden gnomes for halloween?
No. I would like to get laid again before I graduate.
and I was crying with the towel lady in the bathroom of the bar about the tragedy in Haiti. Then we hugged before I left and I gave her 10 dollars.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
I was running around taking people's drinks at the bar and just dumping it into my Gatorade bottle screaming roofies.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
GOOD MORNING. Have you seen the Avenger vibrators?
Have you ever just sat there and thought about past penises?
When you woke up the first word out of your mouth was "whoa"
I was feeling the aftermath of his penis
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
you asked the cab driver if he wanted to meet your parents, last night.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
Randomize
