Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
my boyfriend just told me he used to have genital herpes. I was gonna have sex with him, but now it's SOOO over.
what kind of stupid fuck tells you that BEFORE sex? he is definitely not a keeper.
just got invited to smoke a bowl by a guy who has a prostetic leg and has been on the jerry springer show multiple times. I love my life right now
dude i have an english essay and a bio lab due tomorow
so basically your not goin out tonight?
who said that?
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
So... Apparently, "Home" isn't the correct response when a cop asks for your address...
She told me that for every Ravens touchdown, I'd get to come once.
Marry her. Marry her now. I'll help you steal the ring.
the reason i can drink whatever i want and you have a limit is because whiskey will never make my pussy not work
I still regret not being there for your blackout into the dumpster last year
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
I sent my roommate a text from MY phone that said, "I don't know where my phone is." Must've been a good night.
All I wanted was to die alone with my dogs....how did I end up here
I don't know if I should laugh or punch you
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
Not sure she's stomping around my apartment muttering incoherently about wanting to speak to the colonel
imagine the bill from school house rock beating the shit outta you
Randomize
