doctor said mango vodka does not count as my daily servings of fruit. damn.
i said good morning to each one of his abs personally
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
OMG the post office opened my dildo! "we sincerely regret the damage to your package"
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
The next time i black out make sure i remove the ping pong balls from my weave. Especially before my first day of classes.
I puked in a solo cup and then offered it to him. So yeah, it was a rough night.
I couldn't finish the episode and had to lay down because the snapple commercial with the mustache was blowing my mind
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I have a tattoo that says Yolo. You should not have been asking my advice in the first place
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
Heeyy... sorry I got so drunk. You probably don't ever want to see me again. Thank you for dealing with me when I tried to jump over the deli counter for some mayonnaise.
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
Randomize
