Dude, she had a vegina. I felt like Indiana Jones cutting a path through the jungle.
Just farted in public and tried to sniff it all up before anyone noticed...do you think that actually works?
It's an acquired taste. Like keystone. Or caviar.
I don't know what he sees in her. All I see are horrible pancake nipples
She looked at me and said there is a 90% chance I am going to puke in the next 10 minutes. 10 minutes later she is in jack in the box throwing up. She has amazing timing.
You coming home soon, man?
HENBARSCLOSE
Im pretty sure he just said he wants to make a baby with me, but he's pretty shitfaced, so I'm not sure if he knows who I am.
Wanna hang out, and by hang out I mean go get plan B... and maybe lunch, but mostly plan b
I used to not like fucking fat girls but with her gut clapping against her boobs, its like a standing ovation ever time.
i ordered a pipe on amazon, and under recommended items, it gave me a top hat. it knows me better than my parents.
I shit you not, me and my date were in that bar and within a 10 minute window, 4 ex gf's entered. Every one clocked me and gave me evils. I swear they're conspiring.
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
Whoever roofied me last night owes me a new pair of white jeans
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
