He just spent five minutes trying to sling shot a cheese-it off his dick and into my mouth.
Oh my god. Just had sex with this girl on the boardroom table at my work at midnight (win!) just realized I left the condom wrapper on the table (lose!)
I love girls that fake tan. Can you say p p p p p p p p pumpkin face
I'm in the liquor aisle and a 10 yr old boy yells, "My favorite beer is Corona! Daddy remember when you gave me some on our camping trip?"
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
I woke up exactly where I passed out... on top of him yet he somehow put his pants back on
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
My head. My head is the problem. Also alcoholism.
Apparently I've been blackout drunk doing abstract algebra on the floor
I knew it would get worse when I said I think your roommate is watching and he looked over at him and said ... So?
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
Yeah he drove 30 minutes at 3 AM to come fuck me in my neighbors treehouse
Omg my brain. Most recent thought: I fucking prayed in the bathroom that the other girl would leave. Prayed to Jesus
Don't come up here. Strippers r crying.
Nothing will ever be as awkward as looking my mother in the eye and talking to her while I have a dick inside me. Time for a lock on my door.
Randomize
