its not stalking. its research.
so Brent and I ordered you a drink then realized you don't live here. I drank it.
you refused to leave the drive-thru at mcdonalds until the cashier took a jello shot
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
She swung at the pinata with crutches
she's a kindergarten teacher now. The teacher desks are the perfect height for fucking. I'm delaying the break up a few weeks.
This is the second time in a week I've woken up with your bra in my bed and I've had to sit and think about how it happened.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Nothing is worse than post drunken playoff baseball loss sex
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I just did the walk of shame in monkey slippers in the snow
Teach me the song of your people
while on the topic of showers...why is there apple juice in our bathtub?
I'M HANGING OUT WITH THE DRUG DEALER UPSTAIRS JUST SO I CAN STEAL HIS WIFI PASSWORD, I HOPE Y'ALL LOVE ME.
Randomize
