a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
Was just practicing flip cup with my NyQuil cup...
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
We decided to leave the bar after we shattered a glassand then drive to steal a baby pool for our water festivities tomorrow
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
And the funny thing is when I went to the kitchen this morning, all 4 pizzas were still there in their boxes, untouched. My question to you is: what were we eating last night?
Do you know how hard it is to maintain a conversation with someone who just told you they put their cat in the fridge on purpose?
Dude, you were so wasted she couldn't wait. She was grinding your face while you were passed out in the yard.
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Trying to put a fitted sheet on drunk is one of the boss levels of slutty adulthood.
she doesn't even know what year it is. She just stumbles around life with a bottle of rum
I've covered myself in body paint in the likeness of R2D2 and I still didn't get laid. Please explain.
Realization: many of my behaviors would lead to me being stoned to death in a lot of foreign countries. God bless America.
It took me years of patience and pilates and yoga and flirting to land that penis. So yeah, I’m going to ride it into the sunset and live orgasmically ever after
Randomize
