I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
Just got cockblocked by coyotes. This would happen to me.
ya she's here .. it looks like she just gave up and passed out on the floor
You got cut off after you tried to make the dog funnel moscato.
I will seriously deflate and melt into the floor into a puddle of devestation, shame and vodka.
seis de mayo is my least favoite holiday because i usually spend it in bed sobbing over my poor life decisions from the night before.
Let's just not urinate on things that don't need to be urinated on
I be dancing. See you soon. You can drink tequila from my pants.
I was drunk and really grossed out when you poured cheese on me and, I guess I just freaked out.
Tis the season to play Pocahontas! (AKA: Eat a bunch of acid and run around the yard barefoot, the first person to see the colors of the wind, wins!)
I called you last night? What did I say??
That you love me forever and that I'm the greatest in the world now mohammed ali is dead...
I literally am filling up a victoria's secret bag with stuff that would give my parents a heart attack to hide in my roommates' room. This is being an adult when parents visit
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
I was trying not to blow up your phone, but I'm so horny I think I might die
I just wanna go home jackoff, eat chicken fingers, drink beer, play halo and go to bed. I'm sick of this shitty school, the shitty kids and having to fucking teach them.
Randomize
