I was at the bar last night dancing, puking in a trash can, and ordering another drink all at the same time. Have I lost my dignity?
haha no as long as you did hook up with anybody after that.
... oops
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
The only piece of furniture in the apartment is a wine rack.
You now know someone who has just successfully talked his way out of being arrested for breaking into the town library at midnight. Ive been home for too long.
I'm silent, like a masturbating ninja.
Honestly I think at this point I purposefully schedule nothing on Sundays anymore so I can spend all day wallowing in my shame.
I woke up and the only 2 bowls I own were shattered on my floor. Pretty sure my hand and tailbone are broken and I have no idea what the fuck happened
started my period, we have to try again next week
if we have anymore sex before that my dick is gonna fall off. that is in no way a complaint
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
FYI the blow job was for papa johns pizza
I regret 8000% nothing
I'm naked in a forest ranger station right now
Are you saying I'm your favorite hot mess?
I'm actually my favorite my hot mess, but you're a close second.
just found a picture from last night.
the one of you riding a horse with nothing but a bulletproof vest on?
uhm.... no?...
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
oh i see... well this is a positive first step in you courting him for sex.
Randomize
