I totally understand Scottish logic. No underwear+skirt=great
he keeps his weed in a birkenstock shoe box. its like, we get it, youre from oregon.
He just bought a 100-pack of condoms of Amazon. My vagina is already tired.
you were carrying a trash bag around insisting it was your purse. I'll let you guess how your night went
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
How is it possible that I am in a completely different city, and there are 2 dudes here that I've banged? How????
I want to break up with him.....but he has a george forman grill...like I need that
Good news, I found your other leg warmer. Bad news, I don't know if the pile of puke I found it in was yours.
Think of this as an opportunity. Like Jesus just opened up his closet, and inside is an endless supply of huge, beautiful cock.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
Due to your tardiness, I'm saving you my tab
I also don't hate being called a giant sack of cheese. Is that weird?
Ex-boyfriend shit on a ping pong table at a party last night. Taking "party pooper" to a whole new level.
Randomize
