he is not the type of person you only have sex with once. god adds years to your life every time you sleep with him.
Yeah, I have to wait a few months then take a sample in, I asked the doctor if the sample could be wiped off my wife's back...i told her he said face only.
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
Ohh god. I'm so nervous. This is terrible. He just introduced me as "the best girlfriend of his life" and Jenny as his "sexual roomate"
Well, my mom brought up me being vague about losing my license and she gave me the intervention look. so i left before they could bring out their heartfelt letters...
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
Road trip to buy me a baby zebra..are you in or are you in?
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
I guess that's what I get for clicking on a link that says clown penis.
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
Randomize
