Ok I love you more. To infumty and beyong.
apparently the dude across the street has been dead for like a month. now I feel bad about pissing on his lawn
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
Too many sundays start with me waking up still drunk in my car.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
My neighbor Chris is here. I am warning you, he is wearing a kilt I just saw his balls. Be incredibly careful that you don't see what I did.
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
I accidentally told my mom "the reason I didn't answer your call is because my phone was in my pants, on the floor"
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
I know. I'm a saint. Saint of sitting on faces.
Does sweetest day count when you're spending it with your fuck buddy, high and eating Pizza Hut?
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
I got really worried when i woke up and there weren't any missed booty calls from him between 3 and 5 am. Apparently his gf is in town ...
The weirdest part of it all was wondering if I was going to take off his fanny pack or he was before we fucked
Congratulations you now have a pet Scotsman.
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