I'm pretty sure the new "vibrating mascara" is just a disguised dildo for those of us who are too ashamed to purchase a real one.
Well, at least their eye lashes will look good while they masturbate shamefully.
You must have had one hell of a time explaining to that girl why aladin soundtrack was playing on repeat in your room when you got back
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
Too drunk to talk to museum staff. So much for proper wednesdays
The spray paint was a bad idea, 'insert penis here' isn't coming off
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
BTW I totally understand panda express being popular amongst the highs. I can feel the shrimp being slaughtered in my mouth. It's fantastic.
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
You should have seen the pharmacists face when I paid for my inhaler refill and a box of condoms.
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
You took all of your clothes off and tried to seduce me and while trying to seduce me you decided you were too drunk and passed out.
I think I'm emotionally ready to start being a slut again. I'm excited.
I'm sorry, but the bed has won this battle. I got up, changed my shirt, combed my hair, put on some deodorant, and then looked at my bed and got back in
Not even a manhunt keeps my brother and his friends from the bars
he's trapped himself under a bed and is screaming at a robot dog to give him a blowjob
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