In my 8 am class there was a pack of birth control on the board with a note saying, "Some dude somewhere is unhappy."
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
fell asleep with the bong in the pool, weirdest tan line ever
oh no, im for sure still drunk. i wana eat evrything in the fancy feast commercial... everything
I shouldn't have to thank you for taking off your captain hat off before we had sex
seeing two hook-ups in tagged in the same picture will send chills down anyone's spine.
Returning my drunken purchases from last night. Not a single thing I bought was on sale.
I used to think not drinking while I was pregnant was not gonna be a problem, but I now I'm like shit that's a long time
I told him the only reason I'd sleep with him is if we have a threesome because I'll need moral support
How do you ask the man who gives you multiple orgasms if he has friends who could do the same for your friend?
At some point the phrase "I've hit rock bottom" stopped having a meaning and became my general state of life
You'd be proud. Took my birth control today at 12:30 with a Budweiser. Guy across the bar saw and held his bottle up to salute me 😂
Why were you twerking to, "The Wheels on the Bus"?
Just slather his penis with BBQ sauce
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
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