You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
"Tuesday" and "open-bar" shouldn't be used in the same sentence.
It hit me after I slept with his best friends and brother, that maybe I took it a bit far
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Hurry up. Some creepy guy with a "God is vengeful" flyer is asking where I wanna go most today. I think he's going to chop me into pieces.
aha we'll just say that my mind was so focused on A Bugs Life that it was hard to maintain an erection
I woke up in a strange bathroom. Was I blonde when you left me last night?
Dude, we tried to feed you but you just started sobbing and ran away
I'm drunk, laying in bed, eating macaroni salad. I dropped a piece and tried to pick it up with a fork. My cleavage is bleeding and I haven't been laid yet. Heeeyyyy!!!
He said you asked to eat pepperoni off his dick and he thought it was weird
I mean I thought it sounded fun
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
You tried to pick a fight with a polka band saying that you'd wrap the accordion around their throats
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Dude it's unhealthy how much I love vagina in my face
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
