I thought she had more class and brains than to date a complete numb-nut, drug addict, fuck up like him. People never cease to amaze me
After he finished I threw up my arms and shouted STEVE HOLT!
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
You started a dance party so that you could steal their vodka and shouted "sailors out!"
I spent the whole party making out with some guy. He wasn't that cute but six of my sorority sisters are fighting over him so I had to do something..
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
He was just lying on the living room floor watching Star Wars with six empty pack of cigarettes and two empty cases of beer.
In his defence I guess I did take the bed, couch and dining room set in the breakup.
He sent me nudes and then a text asking if I tried the new Cantina Bowl from Taco Bell. He sure does romance right, doesn't he?
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Apparently I pulled that girl's number while I was trying to insist my drivers license had enough money on it to cover the tab.
I just left a 3 minute voicemail to the guy I want to fuck baby talking my cats and I don't know if I can delete it 😐
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
Hey
Gfdhklhgfxzyuikl$
GODDAMNIT WHY AM I MISSING THIS
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