If she sees it and stops hooking up w/ me then you owe me
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
you threw up in the bushes next to the ABC store and kept saying "you're home, blueberry vodka, you're home!"
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Before I left he asked me if I could submit my panties for the frat house undergarment chandelier. I said yes
Found your pants. They were stuffed in the tank of the toilet.
She is singing the swedish chef song and throwing utensils. I love this place
There's just something about a dollar tree pregnancy test that screams THIS WASNT PLANNED!
She bent over while grinding on me on the dance floor and her thong straps were hanging out, I thought it was a good idea to grab the straps with both hands and pretend to be riding in Santa's sleigh...not my brightest moment.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Just described you as looking like "a very cute escapee from an Egyptian insane asylum"
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
I don't drink nearly as much when I'm coupled, and that's not a lifestyle I can commit to
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
Randomize