fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
I feel like if your cat could talk she would call me a cunt.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
The look your mother gives you when she sees you masterbating on web cam is unlike any I've seen before, but this is a case where, I would say, ignorance is bliss.
We tried to line dance with everyone but it turned into drunken stumbling and attempting to grind on random frat boys. I feel that this might turn into an every Thursday thing.
You kept showing everyone at the bar your bra to prove it matched your shoes.
I was dressed in monkey onesie serving people vodka jelly with a spoon...
I understand why they say don't drink the water in Mexico... I just saw 5 guys piss upstream of where the bar tender went to get the water
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
Is the Chairman of the College Republicans throwing upon your toilet right now? 'Murica!
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
I've been with my family a total of 20 minutes and I'm ready to go on a bender. This is going to be a long weekend.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
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