This is not my ceiling
Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
take it from a girl who woke up with a girl in her bed... you were not that drunk.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
You have like just as much sex as me and I have a brand new bf. That does not add up. That is not right.
Then this bride walked into the bar, she thought it would be a good idea to hug her & then she started playing parachute with her train.
you said you would race him to taco bell but you slipped in the parking lot and just laid there, crying
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
Does your body have a liquid mass index? does that make sense? I think I drank it in Long islands.. Kill me now..
Showed up to family party blacked out and in a turkey costume. I'd say thanksgiving was a success.
I just can't do Wednesdays sober anymore
I'm sure nobody at Walmart was wondering why I was wearing a glittery tutu and needed $300 changed into small bills
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
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