I think I know how big ted kennedy's penis is.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
Brought a cooler and a case to a parade. I'm getting dirty looks since it's 10:30. Telling people it's for the troops.
Apparently my gaydar only works on americans. Frenchie capris has two topless chicks in our kitchen making him breakfast.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
PS August 29 of last year was when you ran over my foot. Facebook just reminded me.
I have a theory he's part Neanderthal
I hate cuddling. I also hate when people breathe. Which he did, a lot. So he can go to hell.
I just took my birth control with Redi-Whip. I'm that girl.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
Thats why you dont have a "jubilant gunfire celebration"
My little sister just helped me edit my nudes so that's how my night is going
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
Randomize
