and then he ordered a "diet and rum" like the most important part of the drink was the diet.
It was like fucking a house. Down the chimney. That deep and empty.
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
I always give him head in random places, it's a guessing game for his cock.
it's a gatorade, cheez its, and regret kind of morning....
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
We haven't even moved into the apartment yet and she has already screwed two of our neighbors. This is going to be the longest 12 month lease of my life.
during charades she pointed to herself and you guessed 'girl who wants to fuck me'
It was an interesting experience to have sex while there was a triathlon going on right outside my bedroom window because it sounded like everyone is cheering for you in bed.
How supportive!
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
While walking to class I was handed a red bull, condoms, and a mini bible. I love my school.
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
i have a lot of questions about the picture quality/lighting/motion/gravity of the balls...
Hitting up all my dealers for my birthday grams is paying off
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