Penelope Cruz needs to learn American words.
I wish I had my own personal Asian lady that lived under my bed so that she could wax my eyebrows and give me a pedicure whenever I wanted.
morning after pill = breakfast in bed
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
so according the 72 facebook statuses i put up last night that i don't recall, i would say it was a success. how about you?
All I know is she had me sitting on the kitchen floor with her little Pomeranian eating potato chips And shredded cheese. I don't even know dude. I don't even know.
Im deleting that text because its a possible ncaa violation
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
As I was puking, these 2 guys started peeing next to me chanting me on
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I can't go to Fassler and not immediately think about you licking a guys wife's butthole in the family restroom
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