yo i just woke up i feel so weird, and the absolut is still fill, so is the 30, what the fuck did we drink last night man? And will you please come out of the bathroom.
Bro... we didn't even hang out last night??
why is there a picture of someone wearing Tevas with socks taped on the wall?
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
I just saw "i'm bigger then that" as her facebook status. Would it be better to make a fat joke or correct her grammar?
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She started crying while we were cooking shrimp because 'Under the Sea" came on Pandora
Dude. She told me she felt bad for not giving me more blojobs. HOW COULD THAT HAVE GONE BETTER?
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
nothing like a walk of shame in front of a cnn news crew to start the morning off right
"Friendship bread", "how to get period stains out of cement", and "elephant bereavement" are all in my recent google history. Whatever shit that was last night really did me in...
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dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
Seriously I'm not after your cock. It's a nice bonus, like finding $20 in the dryer, but not the reason I hang out with you.
I literally ate pizza on a toilet and made up reasons as to why you should make out with that boy. I am unstoppable.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
Im drinking a CAN of bud light at the bar. Do you really think I care anymore?
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