I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
It's not weird mascara. I just have puke crusted on my eyelashes.
They pulled him over whille he had a fish tank full of beer in his front seat. He told them it coudn't count as an open container cause the top was on it.
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
I refuse to fuck a guy who needs a coozy for his beer. NOT EVEN IN DESPERATE TIMES LIKE THESE.
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
The kind of drunk where you put two tampons in thinking that it'll last me longer ...
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
Hahaha idk what's worse your life or my hangover.
He took me out, we slept together, and he sent me home this morning with fresh cantaloupe. #husbandstatus
I keep getting congratulated for drinking 2 six packs of mikes hard and winning the Olympic marathon and I don't remember this shit and now my throat is on fire
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Having random cyber sex while watching to catch a predator just seems wrong.
Randomize
