i dont know whats so great about being respectable.
only you would photoshop your dick
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
so after six weeks of dating she admitted shes bi and asked if it would freak me out if we brought another girl into the bedroom. i said no in this hesitant voice and she said 'if you let me dont worry ill make it up to you'
i literally fucking hate you so fucking much.
we need 14,000 post its to execute this plan
I need to sleep with 3 more guys by midnight to meet my 2010 resolution..
What's worse: not calling my parents in Dallas to make sure they're alright or not taking shelter to masturbate all over my douchebag roommates clothes?
I worry about you.
Fucking her would be like seeing big foot, finding a four leaf clover , petting a unicorn, and arm wrestling a leprechaun in a matter of a 6 hour period
So I come back home and a huge flock of enormous vultures are on my roof
They're waiting for you to die
Lets trade lives
And i will lay in bed and piss all over everywhere, drink whiskey and have sex with married bears
apparently I got pissed off that no one would let me spray them with a bottle of champagne at midnight of the new year. so I sprayed myself with one shirtless in the near freezing cold outside
My mom heard me having sex with my boyfriend but thought it was the neighbors. She commented on how quick it was. I just nodded and changed the subject
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just took a pregnancy test before I went out drinking. if that's not drinking responsibly Idk what is.
Please tell me you haven’t left campus yet!!!! I forgot my Hitachi and will not survive Thanksgiving without a steady supply of orgasms
Randomize
