Can we just schedule bi-weekly fucks and bypass all the bullshit?
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
The plus side of face planted at the tailgate was that no one could see my nipples hanging out.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
You put your shot glass in your waistband and then told me how convinent it was.
After the baby comes, I'll make us White Russians with my breast milk. That will teach her about sharing.
I barely remember the girls that I got pregnant, you think I'm gunna remember the ones that played handball
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well I have rug burns in both armpits, somehow. So yes you should have been here
I sat on my couch last night watching What Women Want, eating ice cream, and sobbing "why doesn't she like me?" Why was I born a man?
somebody went from crying while watching Full House, to a full on emotional raging bull...I love this time of the month
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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