I don't know where I am but the food in the fridge is awesome.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
yea i came on her face and told her to bring a snorkel next time
you didnt know i had herpes?
Isiahs hammered. And just came in to get his skateboard and said he has to prove something. This can't end well
In hindsight, buying 4 different kinds of vibrators at once may have been a little overenthusiastic of me.
who were those guys at the table sniffing dryer sheets?
you looked at me, pointed to a car and silently said "the elephant parks here".
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
It's awesome, he has so much more free time now that he's not screwing other girls behind my back
The fact that you walked around talking like Barbie and still got laid amazes me.
But the problem is you celebrate with your heart but I celebrate with my liver
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