since when did accompanying a guy to a wedding mean that anal was required that night?
He just yelled in the bar, "So I stuck it in two girls butts, why are you bringing that up now?"
I can't help but be optimistic. I'm like a ball of slutty sunshine.
Just headbutted a photographer. This convention just got really interesting.
No one suspects that a sweet girl who is excited about her anniversary with her bf just blew her partner at work in a communal area a few hours ago, so its cool.
Please stop letting me make out with hot lesbians.
Definitely not. I may be your best friend, but first and foremost I am a guy. Please continue.
Dude he downed 9 shots of tequila, sang bohemian rhapsody with 3 randoms Wayne's world style, solo'd closing time, chased the hot bartender's dog all the way to main, tackled him, carried him back, hot bar tender hugged AND kissed him, then he does a jumping heel click and leaps into my car through the window. Next rounds free at the yeti. Needless to say your little brother is a tequila god.
Basically.
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
Simple math equation: Up till 5 a.m. drinking + up at 9 a.m. for nephews birthday party = puking in the pool
He told me he felt like he was just pistol-whipped by Testicle Man.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
I just realized my hands still smell like your cock. Which is awesome, but I wonder if the clerk at the store appreciated it.
I feel bad. I'm the reason hand sanitizer exists.
I need to reevaluate my stance on weekday hangovers...
Just an fyi, you also tried to wrangle a peacock last night.
I just timed my pee with a stop watch. From when the main stream started to ended. It was 45.1 seconds. This is the truth trust me.
Randomize
