Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Ok, maybe I don't want to know what happened last night... But somehow I guess I moved the oven.
me neither. i remember bell pepper tequila but not why or yelling
Hahaha, I forgot about doing shots out of the bell pepper
you know u lost to a carboard cut out of sammy sosa in beer pong last night.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
Well they kicked us out after we started heckling the acrobats
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
Why do I have a missed call from "The Anaconda" ?
Oh and Dustin informs me I'm a legend amongst the freshman, if you were wondering about my street cred
My one night stand from last night is currently mowing my lawn for me.
That female nurse who took a selfie with my man parts well I was out of it just got fired and arrested... You know all she had to do was ask lol
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
She woke up, mumbled "the trees" When i asked her what about them, she yelled "WE NEED THEM FOR OXYGEN," Then went back to sleep.
We need to get on her level.
Is it acceptable to respond to a declaration of love with 'and I love your dick'? Asking for a friend who shares a name and possibly a phone number with me. Entirely coincidental.
Randomize
