Semi hypothetical question. Do you think its physically possible to bruise your clit?
My goal for tonight: make tomorrow as awkward as humanly possible.
I kept trying to give you water and you kept spitting it back at me. You looked like a camel. People were staring
Drunk. The frashmen love me. Give them. Toilrt paper. And shiots
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In your defense, I really thought capturing that alligator would have been a lot more awesome and a lot less tragic.
RIP Mr Bojangles.
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
I just learned my tits were fire resistant. I should join the freakin circus
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Ummm so I'm at the hospital and just heard some guy get tazed......twice.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
You think I'll get the "I used to stick it to your daughter" discount?
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
It’s like a sexy version of those choose your own adventure books from when we were kids. No matter what you choose, there will be penis!
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