DUDE. I'm missing my big toenail. My bed has blood all over it. WHAT DID WE DO LAST NIGHT?
I don't know, but I chipped my tooth and I'm wearing different underwear.
Just saw a field sobriety test being administered at 730 am, I now know I do not have a drinking problem
Just had to pull out another loan to pay for that public drunkenness citation. I am so ready to graduate.
We invented "Diesel Bombs." They're supposed to be a bomb, but they come in a 20+ oz. glass and have a blackout record of 6 wins and 0 losses. Undoubtedly going to be the next Muhammed Ali of the drinking world.
We're gonna have the chick that teaches kindergarteners to fold origami roll the joints.
I five year old is judging me because I just opened a bottle of Sam Adams with my teeth before 8am
Dude. This guy has a ketchup bottle full of jello shots. Best. Thing. Ever.
But I swear to god if I'm awkwardly there while you try to have sex with someone again I'm getting high with your dad
Does it make me immature that I debated going to this baby shower stoned, or am I normal as shit and everyone our age are having babies too young?
Fire trucks are here again. It wasn't me this time.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
Where do you think black out memories go?
Into the dark abysmal abyss of the deepest, darkest part of your mind. It's obviously the bodies natural defense to protect you from witnessing the shit you do while actually blacked out.
I didn't really break out of the friend zone, as much as I blasted the doors off with high explosives and rode through on a grizzly bear...
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
