Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
i was that girl throwing up in the urinal. it was a dark moment in my life.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
he just flipped me off the bed, said "deal with it", and came on me.
Oh god, so much rum. I think I was in a shotgun wedding with a Bacardi promotion girl.
I can't come tonight. Someone took a shit in the dressing room. A.) Clean it up or B.) Kill myself. Text back with your answer.
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
"I gave a guy a handjob last night, on a dog bed, inside a fireplace. It's going to be a good year."
All I'm saying is the next time I see him naked, there better be something in it for me that doesn't end in bailing him out of jail.
You got me 4 pizzas and i just saw this. I'm too drunk for this shit. I just yelled "4 pizzas holy shit!" At the pizza dude
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
He can't say no, it's my spiritual goddamn quest.
we finally found him at 2 am. he was 3 miles from the house and tried running into the lake when he saw us pull up. i don't think he'll be taking ecstacy again any time soon.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Next time we do shrooms i am finding an open field at sunrise and running through it and nobody is stopping me this time!
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