he just asked me if he could show me what he wanted to do to me using his action figures. where do i find these freaks?
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
what date should I let him know how fucked up I am?
There are 3 pics of me on my camera, naked, wearing only an apron, scooping ice cream.
Just had a guy dressed only in a towel ask me for a cig, hug me and kiss me then proceeded to pee of the balcony while still talking to me and callin me baby
Just realized Ive had sex in or around each thing listed in Green Eggs and Ham besides the fox.
my mom was by far the drunkest one there. best impromptu wednesday afternoon party ever
That dog was the best thing i ever touched
I can't find a song to express how gay I'm feeling.
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
And you know what the worst part is? Because of him I can now relate to a goddamn Taylor Swift song. FUCK. MY. LIFE.
Why is there a horse in the backyard?
I stayed at my gfs last night. This is all on you.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
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