he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I feel like vodka or no vodka, you'd still be trying to button your cat into your comforter
Same here... Well I was planning on having some sort of deep conversation, but looking at how grim of an outlook tomorrow has on you, I'll just re-inform you that I have your pants.
if youre pregnant and ruin my spring break i'll never forgive you.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
Im embracing the luau theme and maybe bringing a kiddie pool filled with alcohol. Im also embracing the high probability I will not remember this night.
So, we bought a knight today. Nearly life size. Hes in the garage, so don't be startled.
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I'm wearing sunglasses around my house. Douchebag status. The hangover is real.
pls come over. need ride to hospital once taquitos are ready
Update: I spent 10 minutes trying to fish out a rogue vagina weight.
Should I be concerned that he called me mom when I got in bed on top of him?
Randomize
