Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
Nothing quite says America like barbecue and beer at 9 in the morning.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
the $20 limit for secret santa doesn't apply to me cause you know a half gram of coke is more than $20
I didn't know what to do with her so I just tied her to a bench.
All I did was present the dick. You did the work. That's like thanking the pencil for a test you got an A on.
If the boyfriend of the drunk girl you just met asks her if she made a "special friend" you're going to have a threesome. For future reference.
playing nyquil roulette. it entails taking shots of nyquil and hoping it doesnt kick in during sex or in public. game on.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Maybe he'll be famous someday and I can forget that anything embarrassing may have happened and just say that I fucked that famous guy.
Lol okay. He's gonna show up with like a trunk of sex toys. He's like the mary poppins of hotel fucking.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
LOL he's a hopeless romantic now? 🤔 I'd say giving him a bj in a freakin softball dugout isn't the most romantic thing but it still happened
She's the other freshman on this drunken voyage
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