Just saw some guy walking down the street rapping about various types of pasta.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
Dude I think my special talent is falling in drunkenly falling in front of a cop and getting away. This is the second time.
I'm promising sexual favors in return for his responsible life decisions. Now THIS is growing up.
Can you explain to me later why there's a pirate hat in my bathtub
...And then you kept screaming "cock mouth" in her face every time she tried to talk.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
I don't care if he got kidnapped by a cult one time he is a dick
You know you need to take better care of yourself when shaving reminds you of sheep shearing...
this hangover isn't hhappening. im not letting it
its winning. its definitely happening
I just gate-crahed a party and met a state senator, so I had an interesting afternoon jog.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Video footage says last night I reincarnated as stripper Shania Twain... Man, I feel like a (slutty) woman.
Ladies don't puke and tell
He's a drill sergeant! The sadomasochist in me can't resist that.
Randomize
