why are there goldfish crackers all over my bed?
you decided you wanted to name them & keep them as pets.
they just started talking about wanting to bang stephanie tanner from full house
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
It's been over a month and I still can't find the bra I wore out on new years eve.
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
Whatever. I'll let someone else deal with his flacid penis.
I got to the apartment, I was handed a beer within 20 seconds, I'm glowing in the dark, there's fog everywhere, and now I'm wearing a sombrero because apparently it's silly hat night. I never want to leave.
In Berlin they just cured HIV with stem cells. I am hereby fucking anything that moves.
In all seriousness...vodka, almond milk and chocolate syrup make a decent white russian.
Dude, its flawless. what could go wrong?
Jail. That could go wrong.
I'm gonna tie him up and fart in that pathetic excuse for a mustache
Is it malicious or apart of the healing process if I wipe my ass with his toothbrush?
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
We were trying to organize all the customers to hold a window pickle race. as of 10:37 pm last night we are no longer allowed in our McDonalds.
Randomize
