I couldn't get internet on my iPod in this hotel room for porn, so I made due with UFC.
I'm not sure what to say to that.
She told me that she faked her orgasm. Does she think I care??
He was doing push ups, crunches and jogging in place in front of the restaurant. I'm not too sure I want to eat there if it requires immediate exercise following the meal.
Hungover snowboarding. Puked off the lift and traumatized a group lesson for kids. Crash course on adulthood.
So I just told the bartender I would go down on her. You need to get here
I'm gonna fingerblast you when you get off work. Get ready.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
I woke up to find my purse full of puke, and all I could think was not again.
I'm sorry that I didn't get belligerently drunk and did not put my penis on your neck again
I know that we've never been that tight but I want you to meet my cat before I move.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Remember that time I hopped home naked from the bar, then tried to convince you I was ok to drive you home? Good call on the taxi.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
Randomize
