so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
do you know how bad I want you right now?
As bad as i want you to stop texting me?
is that a hint?
so that guy from last night texted me saying i flashed half of my extended family last night. so classy.
look mate, i'm pretty sure 14 texts saying "fuck me. fuck me now" more than passes the legal benchmark for consent.
I had it in my eyebrows, my bangs, under one eye, and across both cheeks. Congratulations on the successful and elusive warpaint cumshot.
Tell your boss that he's keeping you from eating a fuck sundae off of these 36-24-36 34 D's waiting for you at home on Valentine's Day.
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
He makes this seasoned whore feel like a novice. I've met the one.
My asshole is basically a geyser at this point. Minus the excitement. Plus blood.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
PUB CRAWL IS THE WEEK I COME BACK FROM NOLA OMG OMG OMG. Has it been a year already since I tried to make out with you and you let a bar tender take a shot out of your cleavage? Time flies.
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
After we had breakup sex it took him longer to say goodbye to my boobs than it did to me...
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
Unless he's under 18, in which case you put him back where you found him this instant.
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