If he eats mayonnaise, he's not getting laid. End of story.
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
I have three paper towels stuck up my vagina. This is not a time to be calm.
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
That's unfortunate. Distance can be a stoner's greatest enemy.
You make it sound like a battle for Middle Earth.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
how do you feel about japanese?
I would eat half a street meat hotdog I found on the sidewalk, I'm good with anything.
I needed to pee, so I climbed out his window
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
My moral compass kept pointing to his penis.
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
Are you hungover?
No. I'm hiding under my covers and hoping it doesn't find me.
Don't ask but i need a priest, a calzone, a litre of gravy, and exactly 7 oreos
And a bag of nachos
Randomize
