exactly what part of this weekend seemed like a good idea?
If she's telling you consent laws theres probably a reason
She's a squirter....that makes up for lots of other annoying things
You took a bar mat shot.
Some girl at the bar was showing us her chipped tooth as a pick up line.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
He didn't dress up but kept finding random pieces of costumes on the floor at each club. He was an 80s hair band warrior at the end of the night.
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
so i EARNED it!?! i EARNED dying alone with cats!!?
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
I wonder if my sister will drive me around while I do bong hits in the back seat..
I just met a stripper in the light of day who I ate a candy bikini off her body. This is how my weekend is going.
I just saw a cat, if i ate those mushrooms 15 minutes earlier i wouldn't have made it to the bar
THIS FUCKNUGGET
DOES HE EVEN REALIZE HOW MANY INCREDIBLE INSULTS I'VE WASTED ON HIM
I'VE INSULTED THE EVERLOVING SHIT OUT OF HIM AND HE CAN'T EVEN APPRECIATE IT
THE HO
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