I saw that some person on TFLN used a bag of wine as a pillow. I tried it last night. I forgot to close the spout. I woke up and thought my face had a period
I just got hit in the face by an old lady love handle.
You look at her and you just know the only action she's gotten is from her tampon..
I got fingered by sexual harassment panda last night, by a van, I can't remember if he took off his furry panda hands...
you lied. pity sex is amazing.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
I'm currently trying to decide if crown or wild turkey will hurt worse coming back out through my nose later.
Apparently he's into classy girls that wear sweaters and don't throw up on him when they go out.
So, I'm stoned at his house petting the neighbors cat I made him steal.
You're a fucking train wreck.
her dad gauges his nipple piercings.
Yeah but you let me touch your butt. You're clearly the winner.
I'm beginning a new chapter of my life in which our fridge will always be stocked with jello shots. I'm excited to embark down this road to fruity, semi-solid alcoholism.
He may be 6' 6" but I'm 180 lbs of pure rage and determination
I walk into the pharmacy and I'm like "I need three morning after pills" and the guy was like "uhhhh". All I said was "we didn't plan it, we all just got laid the same night"
Don't forget my pants whenever you come over, otherwise we can't get in.
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