I can't make any promises. I've tried my best to stay celibate. But if a guys on top of me, Im gonna tell him to stick it in.
I just saw grafitti that read "Mug The Fart Eater". Really, Memphis? That's all you've got?
He wouldn't know what to do with his penis even if they made a "how to get a blowjob for dummies" guide
...i had to draw her a diagram of her own vagina. including a little arrow to the clitoris. shouldn't it be the other way around?!?
Chick stood right next to me in the elevator. Like she had the whole elevator and she stood right next to me. So I farted.
Doctor just prescribed me 20mg Ritalin 3 times a day. It's becoming the "grain and oats" section of my food triangle.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
He gave me an elaborately handwritten invite (on a bar coaster) back to his place and whispered in my ear 'i have ping pong'. And he said byob. fuck THAT.
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Last time I was your wingman I had to deal with a girl whose only interest in my body was to clip my toenails. I'm not interested.
if my uterus stops caving in on itself long enough for me to be alive I'm there
i think she learned that just cuz half shots were easier, doesnt mean she can have triple as many.
The cop told you he couldn't let you pee. You just pulled your pants down and squared anyway and im surprised you didnt get arrested.No more drinking for you.
wow wtf man i was the friend bailing you out of jail with 500 cash and you didnt have the common courtesy of waking me up for class when i passed out drunk and naked in the bath tub
Randomize
