Tell me I did not drive one hour for whiskey dick.
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
just came on the shower curtain. sorry housekeeping.
I am telling you that nothing wakes you up like stomach acid exiting your nostrils at 10AM
My Pizza Lunchables won't fit in the fridge because of all your alcohol. One of our addictions has to give.
He somehow managed to bang-mail me last night. I woke up this morning to a voicemail from 1:54 a.m. of moaning and screaming. I now know how talented he is and how annoying I am to have sex with.
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
What do you think french fries on pizza would taste like?
i already know. Delicious. Use ranch.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
There's a naked man in my car right now.
For the sake of being nice I congratulated her and she replied with something along the lines of that I need to stay away from him and not touch him ever. I really wanted to be like "been there, done that" but my New Years resolution was to not start any cat fight over boys with small dicks before noon
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Randomize
