i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
im spending all my christmas money on new years parafanalia aka things I will ingest or lose by the next morning
I actually had to roll up my long sleeves to masturbate. I hate the winter
my girls lil sis wanted to play hide & seek. she told her 2 go hide. we went to the room and had sex. she was hiding under the bed.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
At some point i could of swore that you were in my bedroom riding a manatee last night..... I like my new dealer
Hey..um, you dont know me, but I just found your purse in a bush at the end of my street this morning
It's one of those things you just need to see in person at least once in your life. Like Niagara falls or some shit. His ass is the Niagara falls of asses
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Let's play "Guess What I Just Found In My Vagina?"
I woke up to my bra draped over his lamp and a huge bump on my head. apparently, I face planted while having sex in the shower..
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
I never thought I would have to arrest my own parents on a sunday night
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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