i think i would be perfectly content if, on my deathbed, i could look back on a life that didn't have any fisting in it
you said the mailboxes were turning into babies and they started crawling away. then you cried and asked me how you were gonna get your college acceptance letters
he recorded me cumming with the t-pain app on his iphone
Men with bald spots should not have mohawks. Just in case you didn't know.
she's in the bathroom. spitting in the trashcan. not throwing up. just spitting and singing bad romance by lady gaga.
thatta girl
Thanks for the birthday present, i had so much fun playing with it
Are you talking about my vagina?
I'm gonna need you to NOT let me play duck duck goose with three racoons in the middle of the street next time.
thought the power was flickering out but it turns out im just blinking
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I've discovered the best way to avoid rehab is to not fuck fat chicks when your drunk, therefore delaying regrets and rock bottom
your the Dr. Phil in my life
Today is an unchanging day
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
Same encounter she body slammed me to the floor and than humped me
I used my mad pharmacist skills to turn ordinary birth control into morning after. I think my professors would be proud.
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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