Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
I didn't have a rubber, but my dick had a date with a clorox wipe after we finished. I think I'm in the clear.
Took her home last night and it was like trying to put an oyster in a slot machine. I may have drank a little too much.
my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
we're doing shots for every degree below freezing it is outside
i just watched a special on porn, the business isn't doing so good. You may want to wait before you start your career
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
The cop used the word "belligerent" 16 times in the report. You get to bail him this time. I'm not up for it.
im half tempted just to scoot up to him and whisper "I'm not wearing underwear" but idk if thats a heartfelt apology
The only thing I know is that these arent my shoes and Aaron is missing and he has my house keys.
But I got head on a boat yesterday which was sweet until a bald eagle flew over. Then it became life affirming.
Was he a virgin!? DID YOU TAKE A GUY'S VIRGINITY ON MY FLOOR!?
I am all the way hung over and want nothing more in this world than a McMuffin. Happy day after Thanksgiving.
No, I'm not a weirdo, I keep bondage straps under my matress like a normal person, not a diary.
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
