i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
no sex. but he left me weed, so almost as good.
She never called back. Financed a fleshlight.
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
I have been running off of weed, alcohol, and Mexican food. What is Tallahassee.
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Like hey, "you just spent $135k to go to a nobody law school to drive a mini van, be a dj, live in a smalllll ass apartment that smells like cats and your girlfriend fucks other guys."
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
I just shaved my "bikini area" into a fucking pizza slice
I'm batshit crazy. I don't know how you guys keep forgetting that
I need to start a penis folder so I stop "accidentally" showing people my junk. On a side note- St. Pattys penis was a hit, four leaf clover and all.
bring the pregnancy test and the margarita mix, see you in 15
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Dude. $3 Jack n Cokes AND Cheesesticks... Find me tomorrow plz
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
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