One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
how to cook rice: 1. put random amount of rice and water in a pot 2. have sex on the kitchen floor. when you are done having sex the rice is ready
i literally laid in bad for an hour last night thinking of what i'm going to name my cats when i become a cat lady.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
Too bad they don't have an emoji symbol for condoms and 99 cent tacos
I just got a reminder alert on my phone for an event I titled "Bradley getting stupid high with me in bed." I assume we planned this during the party. I'm down if you are.
Whoever labeled dysfunctional a bad thing obviously never saw this frinedship coming.
No, it wasn't really a sexy 'I'm going to go masturbate.' It was an 'I'm going to go masturbate' that implied I was going to drink a tall boy of Mikes and cry while I looked at lesbian porn.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
Sometimes I wish I lived alone because there would be no one to judge me if I wanted to have whiskey and popcorn for breakfast.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
I have to sleep with him. We're too much alike. It's like clash of the titans, except instead of clashing, he's putting it in me.
Thank you for being so charming, but do you have syphilis?
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