im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
Just had to explain my "wine me. Dine me. Sixty-nine me" key chain to my grandma...she took it surprisingly well.
i should not be allowed to orgasm that much in one day.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I woke up to him drunk-t-bagging me, saying "huevos rancheros" were being served for breakfast.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
By the way. I expect to test the theory of you running a mile drunk for memorial day.
The dorm having an ice machine is their way of inviting us to make mixed drinks.
You know I ate twenty hot dogs in an hour once.
I am honestly so surprised you are a lesbian.
She actually purred while I was balls deep in her! I have never been so proud to buy plan b at 6:30 in the morning.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
I'm not sure if 14 year old me would be disappointed or proud that I fucked him behind her middle school??
FUCK WHALES
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
They gave me 4 meds at the health center and said not to take alcohol with any of them. Guess ill wait until tomorrow to feel better.
Randomize
