Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
I cannot remember December 31 for the past 3 years. it might as well not even exist on my calendar anymore
I almost punched the night nurse in her face. I woke up and she was standing over me.
Just got a free shot w my beer...it's not quite 11am yet...I love international travel. These people aren't judgmental.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
The best revenge is living well. Or pooping in his sunroof. Either or
He won't let me go to the bars unless I can manage to get flip flops on.
Sounds like he's doing this for your own good...
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
I gave him one of my famous hand jobs.
Randomize
