"Monday" is guna come over...
but its Thursday?
yeah, but she cant make it.Monday can...so there ya go
It was my first time buying condoms at the liquor store... I was nervous and there were quite a few people, so I tried to do it as quickly and quietly as possible. When I got to the Indian cashier, he took one look at them and said loudly, "Ohhh you gonna get it on tonight, ah?!"
BROstal carolina. Watching a boy drinking rum and coke out of a cup of noodle empty cup.
A guy at the bar bought me a jag bomb because I'm the chick that frosts his donuts at KT. Never have I been more proud of being a failure at life.
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Do your friends by chance have our inflatable deer head?
Nevermind, it's in the dryer.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
He called me skinny, I broke his garbage disposal, then denied him sex. Normal second date etiquette.
Thought about it. I'm gonna go to work, but I'm gonna tell them I wrestled a bear saying I fell just isn't working.
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
Found out my grandpa had two wives and found out I'm eligible for some internships 11/10 would do acid again.
Ok, not to minimize the significance of that beautiful anecdote from your childhood, but here's a video of my penis.
Oh? And how would you explain this to your kids?
"Well pumpkin, when mommies and daddies have loved each other so much for a really long time, sometimes they trade off with other mommies and daddies"
Remember when we thought adulthood would be different than college?
It is different. We had hopes and dreams back then. Now we're just alcoholics.
Randomize
