I wanna be on tlc
Impossible. You are neither fat, fertile or fashionless.
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
I'll be so proud. Like a proud mama bear freeing my slut cub into the wild.
My parents are takin me for chinese food for my 4/20 present.
I fucking hate you.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
when my phone is in portrait view you can just assume i've been watching porn. that's the only thing i want to see in full view.
I just looked down and realized I was walking around in briefs and a ninja turtle shirt; and for a second, I thought I was 8 again... Weird...
You took motorboating me in public to a whole new level. You poured your beer down my top and LAPPED IT UP.
I've only fucked to 2 Fleetwood Mac songs, that must be why my life feels so empty.
I'm sharing a breakfast burrito w my uber driver
never have sex with a mint flavored condom on. my vagina is on fire.
dude im trying to eat his ass so can you stop for 10 minutes
Honestly, this social distancing bullshit is giving me a good excuse for drinking alone.
Talk all the shit you want but I slept in a oversized monster truck tire last night.
Randomize
