dude u gotta turn down the techno when u bang that chick its creepy
I had a talk with my mom about respecting myself and not acting like a whore so she will rip my nose ring out if she somehow sees that picture
He kept saying the best defense against a lion is to punch it in the throat.
This can't be good. I've realized that I weigh less in the morning after I have had a blackout drunk night than when I work out and eat healthy.
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I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
he somehow instantly knew i was from vermont.
it probably had something to do with chasing your soco with maply syrup.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I like you as a friend, but I'm in love with your dick.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think my Halloween costume this year will be made entirely of pillows and I'll be Marshmellow girl or Kirby. That way I'm comfortable, warm, and if I fall over drunk I'm safe.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
Yup, two strangers look up at each other and realize the only connection they have is the dead woman they banged to death below them. Magic. They have to be best friends now.
Haha! I swear, it's like I'm talking to Buddha with a slutty agenda. You are so full of wisdom.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
I just realized this morning that my fridge is stocked with coronas, hot dogs, and cheese dip. And I just got waxed. High-five, your best friend is on track to be all kinds of slutty fun this wkd.
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