Fine. I'll sleep in my office
her nipple to breast ratio was just odd
About to do something stupid. You'll be my call. Bring bail money.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
i feel like i'm a professional at blowjobs i can deep throat an entire spatula
i hope kanye doesn't show up to patrick swayze's funeral. " i'll let you get back to your funeral in a minute...but michael jackson had the best death of the year. just sayinnn ".
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I keep waking up with the nagging feeling I gave him half a hand job through his shorts.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
Also, at 1:30 I emailed myself saying, "are you there Margaret? It's me, god"
He drunk dialed me at 2am asking if he could put a baby in me.
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
Well yeah. But im not sure i trust the black out drunk high girl giving life advice
Randomize
