Fun fact: when I ripped off my wristband, I punched myself in the face. Rad
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
These people keep looking at me like I'm the first person to ever eat ribs in a Home Depot.
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She literally crushed my balls between her butt cheeks. It was both the greatest and worst thing ever. Dancers are awesome.
I'm pretty sure whiskey overrules bulimia in the eyes of Texas boys
i wanted to ask her what his dick looked like but i thought that would be weird for the first time i met her
My sister was crawling her way home and kept asking us to carry her,then she insisted on grabbing at our ankles til she passed out, how was your night?
Making drunken Mac n cheese at 3 am I understand why witches constantly stir their cauldrons. Much more homogenized temperature and slim chance of boiling over. Good job witches.
Next time a random bus filled with santas pulls up to the bar, I'm not getting on it.
I'm gone to the point of literally hugging trees, partially for support, but also because I like them.
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
He told me I smelled like peanut butter, pepperoni, and pure unbrieldled passion.
Maybe i don’t have a tell. Maybe wine is my poker face.
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
