She begged me for sex again. I felt like I was telling a homeless person I didn't have any change.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
All i really wanna do tonight is get drunk with you and dance on tables. is that too much to ask?
I'll pick you up. Avoid slightly awkward no-we're-not-dating-but-I'm-still-screwing-your-son-after-2-years parental run-ins.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I can't have my last hookup before 21 have been behind a dumpster
You pretty much lost your mind. Your ego has gotten ten time the size of your balls.
I'm not sure. But he has a pet sugar glider. So, points either way
As long as that's not his name for his dick.
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
He said we had an hour long conversation about how awesome I was.
I ripped my favorite bra in half last night while I was undressing in a drunken rage.
What was the rage all about?
He wouldn't stop to let me get McDonald's french fries.
I really regret not asking “like a cupcake” when you asked me to eat your ass
You literally brought me back to life and then fucked it out of me
First day of school is awesome. I get to meet my students and figure out which of their mothers I’ I’m going to bang
Randomize
