if I'm ever single again, I swear to god I'm going to have 87 venerial diseases
Pretending to care to care about playoffs in exchange for free shots. I'm sorry in advance.
Definitely just said "no homo" to our gay waiter at Cheesecake Factory...our service has steadily declined since.
Fuck him for salsa, please. I heard its a good recipe.
as much as i want to say no i cant cause i need the trophy wife training
This is a pre-sorry for hitting on and then sleeping with you're ex
I'm so glad I got to use the word gutterslut before 11:00a today.
He also informed us that it's rude to shove your tit in someone's mouth. Happy Monday.
i know you're upset so i should probs be supportive but i've got nothing in that department. your life suuuuucks
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
This guy is selling weed on the train. Like... Straight up. No fucks given.
It's all fun and games until you have to pay the bar tab.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
Pooled our money and rented a bouncy castle for the day. Get over here now. Bring vodka.
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